Do you want to know what kind of luck I have when it comes to love and relatonships? Fucking shitty luck, that's what. I got home tonight and I had several IM's from Tony. Since he is taking this weekend off for a wedding, his boss wants him there the following weekend. For those that don't know, that was supposed to be our weekend together! Jesus Christ on a cross. I just don't know what to fucking say. So as we are IMing, he tells me that he was close to tears as he was writing it, but yet when I read it, it didn't bother me...and he wanted to know why. I told him it did bother me, but I can't change it, that's his job. Then he's all, your too cool, thanks for being so understanding, I've put a smile on his face, he really wanted the weekend to work out.

BUT,
Then he says, "I really like you, but is a long distance relationship really going to work?" WHAT.THE.FUCK?
My response was, when you say shit like that, it makes me think you don't want to.
Oh but I really wanted to, but we live so far away, roughly an hour and a half, and we both have careers. So fucking what? I wanted to tell him about Judd and ReyneDeCoupe, and Jenna and Pete, who have a hell of a lot more distance that we do! But I didn't because I didn't want him searching and finding this.
I was silent for a few minutes, and he was concerned, I told him I had lots of thoughts in my head, and he wanted to hear them. I told him that I figured that something would come up and prevent out weekend from happening, and then I have all these great thoughts about the weekend and being with him, and disappointment reigns in my life once again, and people wonder why I choose to be single. Then I told him that he should figure out what is going on for the 4th of July and if he wants to do something, because I'm not going to make plans until I know what he wants.
Then he says, and this just fucking slays me..."I probably just lost you, but I understand. :-( I don't want to keep making plans and then breaking your heart."
I understand that, so don't fucking do it.
Then he tells me that I'm not the only one who's pissed and hurting.
I told him that things happen for a reason, and we don't know what Fate has in store for us, this can either make us or break us, we have to decide that.
Then he goes off on the lost me thing again. He doesn't want to lose me and he wants me, but yet throws that long distance bullshit into the picture. So what the fuck is it?

I told him again that he has to figure out what he wants. Either you just want to be friends and just chat online or the phone, or you want to attempt a relationship. If it works out, cool, if not, we tried. It's not like we have to spend 24/7 together and someone has to move to make things work. I really thought that we might be able to have something, in fact, this is my last attempt at some type of relationship. If things don't work out, I'm done, end of story.

In other fantastic news, I heard from my best bud, Brendan yesterday. It was so great to have the chance to chat with him. He lives in Oz, and I miss him dearly. Long story short, I love him, and he loves me, as friends, but his wife has issues with out friendship, so we don't get to connect much. We caught up on a lot of good news, and now that he has the correct link to my blog, he can stay updated without getting any grief! Hey sunshine, love you!

Boo had a bitch episode this morning around 5:30. Thankfully, I was sleeping in the living room, and I heard the hiss, and then the freight train running thru the house, I was up and able to stop her in the kitchen, and only had to squirt her once, before she retreated. But now tonight, she's been good, even with Kirby three feet away from her. So I don't know what her problem is. Since I've been up since then, the eyes are getting heavy, so I think I will be signing off for now...... but not before I post this....this is a pic of Karma and Eli. Karma's on the bottom. They found that sleeping on my book bag was comfortable, whatever floats their boats.....